Like so many of you I didn't have in my estimation the “perfect childhood.” My youth was spent feeling different, alone and very abandoned. Without going into too many details, I've made it no secret that I had quite a few issues with my Mother.
Until approximately 9 years ago, I hadn't been able to forgive my Mother our past. I said I forgave her and yet couldn't have a relationship with her. It was very apparent I had not really healed this relationship one drunken night in reaction to a traumatic romantic relationship. The person I was dating at the time, triggered every “mother” issue I had. It hit a climax as that relationship ended in a bitter betrayal.
On my radio show we've discussed “silver linings” frequently. You know, the bright side of an apparent negative experience. The end of that climactic experience provided a brilliant silver lining. In one of my weakest moments, I drunk dialed my Mom. I don't even know how I remembered her phone number but I did. I yelled every bit of blame and dumped 30 plus years of anger. After that pivotal call, somehow we began talking again, this time very differently. We began a relationship that I never thought possible. From that point forward, my heart became lighter, my relationship choices better and my life, sweeter.
As I was cleaning, I began to get messages and realizations. Remembering conversations with clients and radio show listeners, recalling how tough it is for some of us to get over our childhood traumas. 20 years ago I couldn't imagine putting such effort into making my Mother comfortable. I couldn't stop the hurt that was my constant companion both in my head and heart. Yet somehow, this past weekend, tired, sore and worn out, I scrubbed, washed, dusted, vacuumed mostly solo my huge house. Both my daughter and father's birthdays were this weekend. I couldn't expect their help and while I typically clean the main areas of the house, this deep cleaning was a huge endeavor.
Spirit reminded me, how far I've come in healing my childhood trauma. As I completed my tasks I was reminded of the blessings true forgiveness affords us. Not only have I reached a point of embracing my Mother with compassion, I've truly reached that place of wiping the slate clean. I no longer need to punish her in my mind or heart. Instead, I want to shower her with comfort, love and joy.
Gregg Braden says “leave it better then when you arrived,” referring to all things, including people. Spirit lifted me up enough to get my tasks done and I could feel the smile surround me as I did my work. As I dusted each dust ball, each mirror wiped clean I heard, “healing is no different then cleaning, you wipe away the residue of the past.”
Today I am a better person because of my mother, no longer in spite of her. My prayer for all of you is that you find that same peace no matter the event from your past.
October is a great month to wipe the slate clean, there are sales running to help guide you through your own personal process. www.bernadettesvision.com
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